If you have suffered the death of a loved one, you know how hard it can be to get through a day. Those emotions are especially intensified during holidays. The empty chair around the family table is a glaring reminder your loved one is no longer physically present and your family is not complete. The merriment of decorations, gift-buying, and favorite songs can now be a source of pain, and even aggravation, instead of joy. The length of time being in a festive mood from Thanksgiving to New Year’s Day can be draining even without a loss, but can become a dreaded and sometimes unbearable time for those in grief.

But there are ways to find strength to respect and take care of our emotions without letting them flood or paralyze us. We can even find some healing in the midst of the pain. The following tips are some of the many resources found through GriefShare, a 13-week grief recovery program in which participants and professional counselors discuss ways to navigate through one of life’s most difficult experiences.

PREPARE –Prepare beforehand a holiday planning checklist of the activities you want to continue, simplify, or drop. .

SET BOUNDARIES – Precisely explain to your family and friends what you are and are not capable of doing this year. Don’t let others guilt you into taking on more than you can handle. If you are not able to verbalize this, writing a “Grief Letter” may be a good way to express to loved ones how you’re feeling and what they can do to help.

ACCEPT the difficulty of this time of year and your loss. Remind yourself that it’s a season and it will pass.

SOCIALIZE – Insecure feelings may tempt you to isolate, but force yourself to go out even if it’s only for a short time.

LOWER your expectations. Movies and songs paint an unrealistic picture of the holidays.

DON’T ANESTHETIZE the pain with drugs or alcohol. Numbing emotional distress with chemicals creates more depression.

TRIMMING – If old ornaments or trimmings cause too much pain, don’t hang them this year. Put them aside for another time. Or consider making a new tradition by creating a memory tree with ornaments that depict your loved one’s hobbies etc.

GET UPAND MOVE – Take care of your physical well-being. Healthy foods will give you strength; fattening and sugar-filled foods can worsen your depression. Exercise produces natural stress reducers.

SHOP online if going to the mall is too stressful.

COPING STRATEGY – Have the phone number of your counselor, pastor, church, close friend or hotline already taped to your phone. Make the commitment to call someone if negative thoughts get fierce.

LIGHT – Get some sunshine. Winter can take its toll on your emotions by the loss of sun.

INVITE a new (same-sex) friend to see a movie, have dinner or help decorate the house.

REACH out to OTHERS by discovering people who might be alone during the holidays.

“God is the source and supply of what you need,” says Dr. Paul Tripp, “but God uses instruments, and God’s got a lot of tools in His toolbox. You were created for community; you weren’t wired to do this by yourself. Ask God whom to approach for help, and reach out and let someone help you. You’ll probably be glad you did.

Focus on and celebrate the true meaning of Christmas in a simple manner.

At Christmas, Jesus came to end all suffering

We celebrate Christ’s entrance into the world, but we need to ask why He came. Because of what Jesus came to do, the Bible tells us that one day there will be no more tears, disease, tragedy, suffering or death. That’s a reason for hope.

At Christmas, Jesus came to deal with the source of our suffering

As part of God’s plan to fix what is wrong with the world, He’s going to do more than stop death, disease, famines and natural disasters; He’s also going to renew people. And yes, we all need to be renewed. Why? Because the same thing that causes all the world’s problems is the same thing that causes us to be selfish, bitter, unforgiving, unfaithful and unreasonable. The Bible calls it sin. The Bible also teaches us that sin affects everything: our thinking, our relationships, our environment and our health.

This Christmas the gift of Christ is available for you

Just as a Christmas present only becomes yours as you receive it, the gifts of forgiveness and a new life in Christ Jesus only become yours as you receive Him, by faith. God offers you this gift of a relationship with Him, a relationship that allows you to experience the healing and comfort that you desperately need, and a relationship that guarantees an eternity spent with Him in the perfect, tearfree reality that He’s designing.

GriefShare groups meet throughout the U.S. They are made up of people who will walk alongside you and who understand what you are going through from their own experience of loss. You’ll gain access to valuable GriefShare resources to help you recover from your loss in a way that is healthy, and hopefully even look forward to rebuilding your life.

Presently, two GriefShare groups meet in Houston County. One is hosted by Houston Lake Presbyterian on Sundays from 4 - 5:30 p.m. It is facilitated by Bob and Eunice Galloway, and will begin a new session January 10, 2010. The other is a female group that meets at Southside Baptist on Thursdays from 7-9 p.m. and led by Sandy. You may go to www.griefshare.org and enter your zip code to get further information and directions.